Awe of Easter Lacking Luster

Alright, I admit it: I hadn't been to church in a while when I attending Easter service. The churches know the score though, often adding another service to accommodate what I've heard called the C and E Christians (attending Christmas and Easter services only).

I've never found church pews terribly comfortable, not like sitting in a movie. And it's true: my mind begins to drift as it did when I was a kid, and I check the bulletin to see how far along we are. But all of these are inward feelings and thoughts, and no sooner manifest outwardly as would a belch.

And yet - judging by the packed house at my church this Easter - you would guess it's the first time many people have gathered socially since Christmas. Behind me, Chatty Cathy and Prattle-On Barbie have a full-on conversation only stopping during the sermon, at which time they switch to a whisper.

Surely coffee is cheaper than their tithe, and they can talk all they want at Starbucks, so why come to church to begin with? Are either one really under the impression that God cares is someone comes to church to talk about tv shows and weekend chores?

To my right sit Mr and Mrs Insecurity - the former playing an air piano during every choir song, and the latter signing every word spoken while whispering it out loud. What could make someone so insecure as to try to glean stares during church? Like a talent agent is going to approach the couple after the service and say: "Hey, I noticed you guys rock the air piano, and you've got services for the hearing impaired covered. How would you like to be rich and famous?"

While kids acted like kids, and did a fair bit of wandering around - no doubt bored to tears by concepts way over their head - it was the adults really shining in the spectacle department this Easter. Give me crying babies over obnoxious and self-important adults any day.

But let's get real for a moment: far be it from me to judge what anyone does with his life, but if you're incapable of sitting through a one-hour service without wetting your pants or deafening your peers with the sound of how awesome you are, maybe just stay home and let the Lord come to you.

Or just don't bother at all.